why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
*sighs* because the ‘pee’ is silent
no because it’s dead
sweet dreams are made of bees
who am i to diss a bee
i travel the world and the seven bees
i feel bad for teachers because i distinctly remember my mom bursting into tears once when she was grading papers and she was just mumbling “theyre so goddamn stupid” over and over
every time i read this i laugh a little harder
there are approximately 1,013,913 words in the english language but i could never string any of them together to explain how much i want to hit you with a chair.
if you wear pants to bed I don’t want to know what kind of hell you’re living in
I was downtown tonight and I passed this group of big kinda scary looking guys and all I heard was “are you fucking kidding me? harry potter wouldn’t last 10 minutes in the hunger games.”
Do you ever just read other people’s writing and then look back at your own and go:
someone shouted “do it for the vine” at the train station earlier and i was afraid for my fucking life